Mom

My mom died at the end of April and we had her memorial yesterday.  It's hard to sum up someone so special but I tried to write a good eulogy.  Of course I could write so much more about the wonderful women my mom was and my memories of her.  She was the heart of our family and in many ways the glue that held many of the family members together.  Normally I do not share such personal things as this but for Mother's day I wanted to share the person my mom was to me, so here is the eulogy I wrote in her honor.

We were blessed to have Tammy as our mom.  She told me having us was the best thing to happen to her.  She taught us the most important lessons in life.  She taught us to be kind to others as she was always genuinely kind.  “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” was of course uttered but it was her treatment of people that really taught us.  She encouraged us to think for ourselves not to blindly follow others.  She also taught us to never give up, our dreams were achievable if we kept trying. She drove us to baton lessons, dance lessons, and swim club and later drove me about as I volunteered at different places.  In this way she taught us to be punctual with her impatience if we were late getting to the car.  Mom valued honesty, if she caught you in a lie you would face her hurt and disappointment which was always worse than actual punishment.  When we needed help she could not directly give us she always found a way to get us the help we needed.  She always had time for us if we needed to talk or just needed a hug.  We never lacked for love, she always let us know she loved us even if we had been bad. Mom would never give up on the people she loved but she would tell you if she thought you were wrong.  Of course she also provided all the normal mom things, cleaning, meals, cookies, and nursing when you were sick.  

Mom made every holiday special even when we were adults but Christmas was clearly her favorite.  One of the stories my Grandma always told was of my mom when she was little being so excited about Christmas presents that she would sneak up to the tree at night and unwrap then rewrap all of her presents.  As an adult giving was as exciting for her as getting things.  She would be the first person awake on Christmas morning and had to stop herself from waking people up so they could open their gifts.  Mom was the best person to get gifts for she loved everything we gave her.  She got a tear in her eye every time we gave her a sentimental card.  I remember many fun times with mom but she could also be a stern taskmaster when needed.  

Mom always did her best at what ever she did, from finishing the basement on her own to taking her plumbing courses.  She had a wonderful work ethic.  Even when watching TV she would often have something else on the go.  Mom loved to travel and instilled in us the love of travel.  We went many places with her both as children and adults.  Her last trip she took our whole family and my aunts family to Disneyland.  She was ill even then but enjoyed herself despite this.

Mom had more strength than any other person I know.  She survived trials in life that would have crippled many people but I never heard her complain.  She was in great pain and confined to her home for more than a year before she lost her battle with cancer.  Doctors did not think she would live to see Christmas 2013 not only did she see the New Year and her 50th birthday but she held on for Grandson’s first birthday.  She was a proud Grandma and loved seeing Daniel.  She could barely get out of bed yet every time I visited she made great effort to be with us even if it caused her pain for days after.  She wanted everyone to continue living our lives and was often more concerned with her loved ones than herself.  Even in her last days in the hospital when told she was dying she asked the nurses and doctors to look after my dad.  She had a huge heart and a great will to live. I will try to teach my children to be kind, honest and loving as mom taught me.

We are all lucky to have known her and to have had her with us as long as we have. Thank you to those who helped my mom in her illness, Thank you all for celebrating Mom’s wonderful life with us.  I will leave you with a poem that reflects the mom’s sentiments about grieving.

“To Those I Love And To Those Who Love Me”

When I am gone,

Release me, let me go

I have so many things to see and do.

You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears;

Be happy we had so many years.

I give you my love,

You can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love

You have shown me;

But now it’s time I travel along.

So grieve a while for me,

If grieve you must.

Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It’s only for a while that we must part,

So bless the memories within your heart.

I won’t be far away for life goes on.

So if you need me,

Call me and I will be near.

And if you listen with your heart,

You’ll hear

All my love around you,

Soft and clear.

And when you must come this way along,

I’ll greet you with a Smile,

And “Welcome Home”.